The mother of a good friend is dealing with cancer. It is easy to feel helpless when those you love are going through any kind of suffering. Today, I made a homemade pot of soup and thought of my friend's mother. The soup was very healthy and easy on the stomach. I grabbed a ladle and filled up a mason jar, then attached a label to it with the short list of ingredients. Tomorrow I will give it to my friend when I see her.
Even if her mother can't eat the soup, she will know I was thinking of her. A frugal and thoughtful gift.
By Patricia Mabel from Maple Falls, WA
A close friend (she's 40) just lost her father to cancer. She is receiving condolences of plants, flowers and food. I want to do something for her or give her something unique. Does anyone have any ideas as to what to do for her, or what to give her?
Maybe a blank journal with a gift certificate to have lunch or dinner with you when she is ready to talk or just wants to get out. That is what i would like , just to know someone cares .
When my husband died my daughter's girlfriend gave us copies of photos she had taken over the years that included my husband. We enjoyed sharing memories and they made a nice addition to our collections.
Love & Prayers,
Linda
I would suggest your time and an ear. When I lost my father 9 years ago, I would have loved to have had a friend to just listen and let me talk about and remember him and grieve without any shame. Talking about the loved one is the first step in the healing process. Maybe you could find some time together alone and you could just begin by asking about her father. I'll bet the rest just follows from there. She will really appreciate it later. Good luck!
There are some wonderful poems and books available from http://www.lindaslyrics.com ; one is called The Dash, and another is Remember Me. At my friend's father's and sister's funeral they read the poem The Dash, it is really lovely.
Marnita, What about a keepsake. You could find the obit in the local newspaper and have it laminated. You can cut it into a bookmark for her to place in a book that her dad like to read or perhaps the family Bible. You might also gather from another family menber a few of her dad's things, small items that she might like to keep and make a shadow box with those items in it. I did this for my brother when our grandparents died.
Call her at a time you know she is likely to be free and ask her if you may come over then and take her to get a light meal, dessert or even a shampoo and blow dry. Be there with her, let her talk and help her get out of the house and back into "society". Sometimes inertia is hard to overcome and one winds up just sitting and stewing.
A friend of mine compiled a list of things to do when a friend or loved one has a death in the family. She had just lost her mom and wrote this up a week after the funeral. She was in her 40s and had children of all ages at home. I printed it out and keep it on hand now so I have more of an idea of what I can do.
You didn't say how long ago your friend lost her father. This is a long list, but maybe you can find something useful.
My condolences and you are a great friend to think of her. :)
Wendy
FIRST DAY:
Make phone calls
Stay and visit
Run kitchen at meal times
See if the supply on paper products is low - kleenex, TP, paper plates, etc.
Take clothes to cleaners
SECOND DAY:
Stay and visit
Run kitchen at meal times
Pick up clothes from cleaners
Breakfast food
Offer to help pick out flowers
Change bedding for out of town overnight guests
Wash cars
Bring pictures and anecdotes to share
Food for noon and supper meals
Take children out on errands such as shopping for funeral clothing or haircuts
DAY OF VIEWING:
Stay and visit
Meals
Stay overnight
Take food to funeral home lounge
DAY OF FUNERAL:
Organize dinner
Donate dinner items (food or table decorations) and volunteer to serve if needed
Stay overnight
1st DAY AFTER FUNERAL:
Buy stamps for thank you notes
2nd DAY AFTER FUNERAL:
Phone or visit
Make a lunch or supper date
Take them out to coffee
ANYTIME -- MISC:
Act as a taxi, those who are crying cannot drive, children have events, parents need groceries
Babysit younger children at the house or take them home with you
Entertain tweens and teenagers
Tend to duties such as pets, yards, dishes, etc.
Get children from school
Be a tag along
Give money
If your friend has a garden, a small statue or fountain provides a lasting memorial.
You guys are awesome!!! Thanks for all the great ideas. Marnita
This isn't really a gift as much as a service in the name of love.
Bring every thing you'll need to clean the bathroom. This was suggested when I belonged to a Grief Support Group. It's a great idea.
How about a Journal that you circulate among friends and family
they can record their favorite memory of the loved one
Can you crochet or knit? If so, a prayer shawl would make a wonderful gift. I have crocheted the prayer shawl from www.nmpreschurch.org/
Sherry in Georgia
The poems from Linda Ellis are wonderful, i am going to order and see about putting a copy of the "Remember Me" by my Mom's grave site
I would suggest a food basket. Like soups, you could buy a big bowl and put soup packets in it, along with maybe a good snuggle blanket. Or coffee, something that you think she would enjoy. You could add a book of poems or the pictures that was already suggested. Make a small photo album and add that!!
What abt planting a tree in his memory?
I gave my friend money for the specific purpose of buying a nice picture frame for a special picture of her father. She chose to frame her parent's wedding picture, as her mom had died when she was only 2 years old and her father remarried. She was raised mostly by grandparents. She told me many times how much she treasured the gift and the idea.
The gift of MourningStones is a wonderfully unique sympathy gift. It is on the web. Just type the name and add "dot" com
i think the best idea is planting a tree. everytime she sees the tree it will remind her of her father and the tree will live a long time
(not that any of the other ideas suggested were bad)
A small keepsake to hang in a kitchen window is a nice gesture of remembrance. www.thecomfortcompany.net/
A wonderful idea for a sympathy gift for a friend rather than sending flowers.
I recently made a memorial block for the family of a lady in my Sunday School class who had passed away. I got sick of paying too much money for a few flowers that died in a few days.
Make handkerchiefs to express sympathy when someone you love loses someone they love.
Flowers are the traditional gift for a funeral or to give in sympathy for the death of a loved one. Many people prefer to give a more practical and helpful gift whereas others opt for something more sentimental and long lasting.
