If my younger brother has POA, executor and health advocate powers for my aging parents can I still sell their house (meet with real estate agents, renovate their current home), help them do their banking (pay bills, set up online banking, etc.) and make medical/health decisions for them (pills, home support, shower, meals, shopping)? Or am I limited to helping pack, cleaning, driving, etc.?
You can meet with real estate agents. You cannot sell their house or make any decisions on their behalf.
My father had me at a rather old age and has recently been showing strong signs of dementia. I know it's been very difficult for my mother as she is his only caretaker and I live far away. I have asked her sisters in Japan to take her in for a bit to help her reset, so I'm now taking care of him, and plan to live in both cities when Mum returns. Does anyone know of any good resources for help that don't cost a lot, or are maybe even free?
Are there any good websites to help him engage in games to help his memory? I know my questions are a bit vague, but this is a new thing for me. I feel like I always have an answer for everything, but this is a new world! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.there is a brilliant website that will give you answers to ANYTHING you need regarding dementia. its members are either people caring for dementia afflicted or else are actually people who have the disease themselves; its called TALKING POINT ands its run by the alzheimers society in the u.k.
there is a brilliant website that will give you answers to ANYTHING you need regarding dementia. its members are either people caring for dementia afflicted or else are actually people who have the disease themselves; its called TALKING POINT ands its run by the alzheimers society in the u.k. there is one in the u.s.a but the u.k. one is better, in my opinion. members come from EVERY SINGLE COUNTRY. so you will get the help and advice you need. trust me. ive been there.....
Please take your father to his physician to verify the diagnosis of dementia. There are many health conditions which can present with signs similar to dementia, which might be treatable. Ask for a neuropsychiatric evaluation to verify dementia. A good book resource is "The 36 hour day" that will give you information on how to deal with dementia.
I don't have any answers for you, but one piece of advice learned the hard way because of my mom's dementia. Get a power of attorney drawn up asap. You may not need to enact it for years (I did not), but you should have it ready so you can use it when you need to. Also, you should keep track of what is going on with your parents' finances. Be snoopy and, if necessary, bossy.
Thank you SO much for your pieces of information. Both so very useful. I'm on the Talking Point website right now and am going to look into power of attorney. I suppose there are so many angles to this and can be a very touchy subject.
My mother lives in our home and has several health issues. I ask friends or relatives to call and chat with her. This helps her feel valuable. At the same time it allows others to check on her status several times a day, while I am at work.
Wherever your parent is living, prominently display framed photographs of him or her in younger days. Exhibit the parent looking glamorous, receiving professional recognition and achieving success in sporting events.
I took care of my mother until she passed on and now I have the privilege of helping my father. My parents were always of the mindset to be prepared and it rubbed off on me, I suppose.
I do not regret one moment of moving my mom in with me and having her last few years with me. I agree some times were very hard dealing with her Alzheimer's disease, however, family and friends can give you the breaks you need.
My mother has brain cancer and the doctors removed the first tumor which damaged her short term memory, eyesight, and her brain does not acknowledge the right side of her body. She used to make doilies, but gets confused. All she does now is sit and smoke. Books do not work because she forgets what she just read. Mom is only 64 and has always been active. How can I help her? She gets tired quickly.
By Theresa craig from Daingerfield. TX
Make sure she gets regular physical therapy (you can help with that) by asking the doctors and physical therapist what you can personally do to help her from day to day in any way possible to give her comfort and keep her busy. My first thought is to maybe play card games with her even if she doesn't remember the rules. Let her come up with her own rules. :-) Or take her to the park and watch the birds or a sunset or sunrise. Just talk to her and tell stories.
I also suggest you do not allow her to smoke unless you are right there with her because that's especially dangerous since she's not thinking clearly. In my humble opinion this is not the time to completely deprive her of her smokes but you need to make sure she doesn't see them or lighters or matches (seeing them is a reminder she likes them) unless she asks to be able to have a smoke. Since her memory is not as it used to be she might not even remember she likes to smoke and will simply be physically agitated for three or four days from the nicotine withdrawal.
I wish you and your mom and your family the best and let us know what you find that is helpful for you because it could be helpful to others here at ThriftyFun in the future.
God Bless!
Anyone out there taking care of an elderly parent? My mom lives an hour away from me. I spend 4-5 days a week staying at her home taking care of her, the house, the yard, etc. She is 87 and in poor health. She seems to have the beginnings of dementia and her legs are swollen from edema. Her diet is horrible. Well, she will eat what I make, but only drinks coffee.
My sister comes when she can, but she lives 2 and 1/2 hours away and works, too. I was the one that was always here, then when my dad passed away 7 years ago I started staying with her every other week for 3 days or so. I was here to shop, eat out, and talk.
She started with slight incontinence about 4 years ago and hasn't been out since. She will not see a doctor. She hasn't since I was a teen and I am now 58. She can barely stand and walking is getting harder and harder for her. She'll use a cane, but not the walker I got her. I can't remember the last time she showered. I got a shower chair, but still no shower. She barely even washes up anymore. I am at my wits end.
She spends most of the day and night in a chair. Getting her into bed, to get her off her buttocks, is a constant struggle. She falls asleep and tips out of the chair. She sometimes falls when walking. God is on her side because she hasn't broken anything yet.
If anyone has had similar experiences, please write. I feel so alone. My poor husband is getting upset. He just can't understand why I can't just tell her she has to move in with us. She will not accept outside help. If I could get her to accept an aide once in awhile, it would help so much. Please contact me through Thriftyfun. You can click on my name and an email message window will open.
I have found a few message boards, but everyone there seems to think they are doctors with the advice they give. Or just plain mean. She's my mother, I still must treat her like my mother and not some child off the street. I love her, but I am so stressed out. I have my own health problems, too. Please help if you can. Regards.
By valery from Cranford, NJ
Check and see if there is a Senior Center in your area. If so, take him and leave him there while you do something for yourself. Barring that, see if you can get somebody to relieve you every now and then - maybe, a church member or a neighbor. Having taken care of my Mother prior to her having to go into a nursing home (Alzheimer's), I know exactly where you're coming from! God bless you for taking care of your father, but do remember to take care of yourself, also!
Here in Canada, our health care system has "home care workers" who come to your home to help you. They bathe the patient, tidy their living space, prepare meals, and provide respite services, so the main care giver can go out for a while. Check with your doctor to see if you have this service available in your area. It's free here.
I wish I could help but I have no words of encouragement or suggestions other than keep trying.
She probably hasn't tried to take a shower because she can't. Have you tried to talk her into letting you help her get cleaned up? If not in the shower how about a sponge bath?
Does she have any elderly friends who are now alone as well? Maybe one would be interested in moving in with her. Cut down on the persons expenses in exchange for helping her daily.
Sorry, can't think of anything else that might help. The only other thing I can think of is if she won't move in with you... move in with her. Sell your house and you and your husband live in hers.
I am a caregiver for my dad who is ninety. He is in good health, but needs help with a lot of things. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with things. Any hints or suggestions?
