I am a caregiver for my dad who is ninety. He is in good health, but needs help with a lot of things. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with things. Any hints or suggestions?
I took care of my mother until she passed on and now I have the privilege of helping my father. My parents were always of the mindset to be prepared and it rubbed off on me, I suppose. They always took such good care of us growing up, so for me it was a no-brainer to take care of them.
If my younger brother has POA, executor and health advocate powers for my aging parents can I still sell their house (meet with real estate agents, renovate their current home), help them do their banking (pay bills, set up online banking, etc.) and make medical/health decisions for them (pills, home support, shower, meals, shopping)? Or am I limited to helping pack, cleaning, driving, etc.?
You can meet with real estate agents. You cannot sell their house or make any decisions on their behalf.
I do not regret one moment of moving my mom in with me and having her last few years with me. I agree some times were very hard dealing with her Alzheimer's disease, however, family and friends can give you the breaks you need.
My mother lives in our home and has several health issues. I ask friends or relatives to call and chat with her. This helps her feel valuable.
Wherever your parent is living, prominently display framed photographs of him or her in younger days. Exhibit the parent looking glamorous, receiving professional recognition and achieving success in sporting events.
Two of three sisters were given power of attorney for their mother. Now the mother wants to see documentation of her money, bills, and bank statements presented in a simple way so she can understand what she has left and how it is being saved and managed.
It is OK for the 3rd sister to see if the mother wants her to be there. Is this a question the parent can ask along the way and a presentation should be provided to anyone in the meetings? She would like the 3rd daughter to also be aware of what is left since she does the most for her now and has no idea of what her own mother has to spend.
By Ginny from Oak Park, CA
First I would want to read the power of attorney paper to find if the paper states there is a time frame for the daughters to be in controll of mom's finanaces and if the daughters are responsable to repay any monies they used for their own use. I think it would be better to consult an attorney with this problem.
In my case my lady has power of attorney only as long as I am not able to take care of my finances and can only spend money to pay my bills. That is how my power of attorney paper is written.
Remember this, power of attorney ends at the moment of the persons death. I would see a lowyer. You can get advice without having to retain the lawyer. It would be a one time fee.
I too say to see a lawyer! And as far as I am concerned the third sister should be involved in all input and information about mom even if she doesn't have a power of attorney and is not the ultimate decision maker because it's her mother too!
My mother has brain cancer and the doctors removed the first tumor which damaged her short term memory, eyesight, and her brain does not acknowledge the right side of her body. She used to make doilies, but gets confused. All she does now is sit and smoke. Books do not work because she forgets what she just read. Mom is only 64 and has always been active. How can I help her? She gets tired quickly.
By Theresa craig from Daingerfield. TX
My father had me at a rather old age and has recently been showing strong signs of dementia. I know it's been very difficult for my mother as she is his only caretaker and I live far away. I have asked her sisters in Japan to take her in for a bit to help her reset, so I'm now taking care of him, and plan to live in both cities when Mum returns. Does anyone know of any good resources for help that don't cost a lot, or are maybe even free?
Are there any good websites to help him engage in games to help his memory? I know my questions are a bit vague, but this is a new thing for me. I feel like I always have an answer for everything, but this is a new world! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.I could use some advice as I don't know where to start. My parents are aging and live in a different state. My mother has cancer and my father is showing signs of dementia (and is extremely difficult). I'm in contact with my mother frequently, but she refuses to admit she needs help. When I go to visit them I wind up in tears on the flight home because I feel so helpless. Can anyone recommend a website or reference book to help with aging parents?
You could try to find a community based home health agency in their area, maybe start with the local Health Department, or a local hospital, they should be able to quide you, there are often various programs for seniors that need help staying in their own homes.
It appears that your parents need 24 hour care/supervision.
I would advise you to check the cost for nursing home care against inhome care. Either way it is going to be expensive. Don't ever turn their house or valuables over to a nursing home. Appoint someone in the family to be the executor of their estate and pay monthly for their care if you choose this method.
If you decide to try the inhome care, the Senior Citizens Center has Meals on Wheels in our town which provides one healthy meal a day and nursing homes usually have an inhome assistant to help with bathing, light household chores and there are some restrictions as to what they can do to help your parents stay in their home. They also work a few hours in the day, so many times a week.
You would need to hire several people to do inhome care if you have them stay 24-7 to give time off and decide if you pay them part time, then step up the amount of people you hire.
You could also hire a responsible person (check their credentials well) to live in their home and provide the help your parents need. Working through an agency if someone cannot make it that day to your parents home, there's usually a replacement for them, so they still get the care they need and you want for them.
Since your mother has cancer, have you spoke with anyone from the hospice program or the hospital? They could direct you toward right places to get further suggestions.
If you are not able to care for your parents yourself which helps to save some larger expenses, perhaps you and your family members could divide time in the year equally to keep your parents together and have them move in with you or you go there for when your time comes around.
Your parents would feel safer having family members do the care more than strangers in their home. This is a lot of adjusting.
This is a very hard time for you and I really feel for all your concerns. I've had elderly friends and worked in a nursing home setting a lot of years and I know what you are up against. It's hard to let go of home and having things the way they always were. My best to you.
Another idea is to find someone to live with them rent free in exchange for some care. Is there a nursing program near you? a student nurse would be a good choice. She would be there at night, when dementia often peaks. Check with meals on wheels and also te local division of aging, or a social worker from the nearest hospital.
This is a random question for this website, but I'm starting to get a bit desperate. My elderly mother has had her license revoked, but refuses to stop driving. (She's prone to strokes, disorientation, has severe mobility problems, and horrible reflexes). We'd take her car away, but she lives alone and not having a car there would make the house look abandoned. She refuses to move to assisted living.
