Rabbit DanceMy 2nd grade son told me this one:
What kind of dance do rabbits like best?
Hip HOP!
By Suzziee
Dog JokeThis is a very corny joke, but every time I hear it I laugh.
There was a master and his dog sitting around a campfire on the tippity top of a mountain. The dogs tail caught fire. What did the master say?
Answer: Hotdog
By Joesgirl
Cat JokeA kindly woman sees a couple of stray cats sitting in her yard. Feeling sorry for them she fixes a bowl of food, opens the back door, and with the food in her hands calls to the cats. One cat looks at the other cat and says, "She's looking at us -- you know anybody named Kitty?"
By Patty
Vegetables on Noah's ArkWhat vegetable did Noah not take with him on the Ark?
The Leek, of course.
By CGH
Joke - 104 Year OldA 104 year old lady was being interviewed for a newspaper article.
The reporter asked, "What is the best thing about being 104?"
The lady replied, "No peer pressure."
By Belinda
Car JokeQ: What songs can you sing in your automobile?
Wake Me Up at 5 AMMike & Joan were having some problems at home & were giving each other the 'silent treatment'. But then Mike realized that he would need his wife to wake him up at 5 a.m. for an early morning drive with some pals to play golf.
Car Parts JokeA woman called an import parts warehouse and asked for a 28 ounce water pump.
Shopping JokeThe husband was browsing in a souvenir shop when another man next to him struck up a conversation.
Devout CowboyThe devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Dangers of Drinking Milk JokeDid you hear about the guy who was killed drinking milk?
Build a Bridge To Hawaii JokeA man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
Anniversary Gift JokeClyde: "That's a great looking truck you've got there."
Joke: Why did the rooster cross the road?Why did the rooster cross the road?
Wife vs. Season TicketsSara was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly she burst out laughing.
Teaching About "I" JokeStudying to be The teacher asks a student, "Tommy, give me a sentence that begins with I."
Working Chickens JokeHow long do chickens work?
Cowboy Oatmeal JokeA tough old cowboy counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.
Snail Riding a Turtle JokeWhat did the snail say on the turtle's back?
Mechanic and a Surgeon JokeA mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley Davidson Motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
How To Clean The House Using Your ComputerOpen a new file in your PC. Name it "Housework." Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
Gorilla JokeA clean joke, one of my favorites... Why does a gorilla have such big nostrils?
"They're Busy" JokeOne day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.
"May I speak to your parents?"
How To Have A Great DayMix Contents together and let it sit overnight, for a good nights rest.
Repeat As Much As Needed
Straining Tea JokeLittle Billy was left to fix lunch. When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Billy had already strained the tea.
Las Vegas JokeDuring a training program for new employees, I joined several dozen co-workers on a tour of several sites in the Southwest. Our itinerary included an overnight stop in Las Vegas.
When Does Life Begin? JokeThree ministers were together one day and the subject came up of 'When does life begin?'
New Exercising ProgramThis is a wonderful exercise for older people. I just came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on to some of my friends and family. The article suggested doing it three days a week.
Prize Bull JokeFarmer Fred had a problem arise when, upon preparing his prize bull for market, the barn door slammed shut cutting the tail off the bull. His prize bull was to be sold that very day, yet now Farmer Fred couldn't...
Dinosaur JokeWhat does Barney get when he scrapes his knee?
Courting a Collie JokeA chihuahua, a doberman and a bulldog were approached by a good-looking female collie. Each of them wanting a date with her.
Words That Women UseI got a cute email today I thought I'd share:
The best way to die joke...I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming, and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Poodle On Safari JokeA wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
Cheese JokeQ: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?''
Mixed Feelings JokeQ: What's a mixed feeling?
Borrowing Money for Vacation JokeA young blonde walks into a bank to borrow $10,000 for a European vacation.
Humorous ObservationsWhy is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
3 Ways To Get Something DoneThere are 3 ways to get something done...
Sister Barbara JokeSitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100.00 bill her parents had sent.
"Pasta" JokeItalian Pasta Diet...
Shingles JokeA man went into a doctor's office and told the receptionist he had the shingles. She told the man to sit down and that a nurse would see him shortly. After a while, the nurse saw the man, did some tests and told him to wait for the doctor. The doctor finally arrived and asked the man how he could help him.
Yelling Across the River JokeOle lived across the river from Clarence--and they didn't like each other at all. They were yelling all the time across the river at each other.
Jogging JokeIt is well documented that for every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000. per month.
Men's Hearts Beating Faster JokeWhy do men's hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?
"Dumbest" Kid in the World JokeA young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
Golden Anniversary JokeAn aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
Policeman JokeA salesman decided to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new job.
Choosing a Profession JokeI remember the story about the old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession.
Clean House JokeA clean house always indicates that the computer is down.
Damp Towel JokeOne day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a damp towel. Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.
A Kid With Coins JokeA small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother said, "Where did you get all that money?"
Getting Rid of Germs JokeA little girls father was confined to his bed with influenza and his wife had been very busy sterilizing all his dishes. "Why do you do that, Mummy?". Because dear, Daddy has germs and the germs get on the dishes he uses.
Funeral Costs JokeA woman's husband dies. He had $30,000 to his name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left.
If You Can... JokeIf you can start the day without caffeine...
A Couple Buying a Car JokeA couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.
Who Should Brew the Coffee JokeA man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
Wedding JokeThe bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
Ph.D. JokeIf we could earn Ph.D's from learning by our mistakes - I'd be a Genius by now!
Joke - Raising Boys - 24 Key Points to Pondera) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny. (AMEN!)
Mother in Law JokeA man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
Birch and a Beech Tree JokeIt is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:
Gossip JokeMildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
Businessman Marrying His Secretary Joke"Well, my dear," said a businessman who had married his secretary, "I must get someone to replace you at the office.."
Hypnotist Joke For eight days and nights Mr. Jones had been unable to sleep. All kinds of medicine had, had no effect whatsoever, and in desperation the Jones family summoned a renowned hypnotist...
Lonely Man Searching for a Woman JokeA New York city man complained to a commuter friend that he didn't know any women, and he was lonely...
Repairing the Garage Wall JokeA friend who usually takes a bus to work over-slept one morning and decided to drive. As he opened the garage door he saw that the rear wall
Hang-gliding in Arkansas JokeIn Arkansas, you don't see too many people hang-gliding...
Quiz TV Show JokeA host has a gimmick on his tv show in which he phones people at home and gives them a contest quiz...
Panhandler JokeDuring a recent hot spell in New York, a panhandler collapsed on the street...
Sugar in Tea JokeThe hostess poured a cup of tea for a middle-aged man at her party and asked him if he took sugar. "No," he said. "Yes," said his wife brightly at the same moment. Then she turned accusingly to him. "But I always put sugar in your tea!"
Lost Dog JokeWhen an American visiting a small English town lost a valuable dog, he asked to have a notice printed in the local evening paper offering $1000 for its return. Evening came, but no paper appeared. The American waited for some time.
Busybody JokeA local busybody, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, asked an expectant mother point-blank whether she was going to have a baby. "Oh, goodness, no," ...
Housekeeper JokeIt was a blow to my heart when the young girl helping me with the children gave notice, but I was fond of her so...
Training JokeIt had been stressed to the instruction of airborne troops that the psychological approach was of utmost importance. "Above all," his superiors cautioned, "don't do or say anything that might cause sudden fright to trainees." ...
Shopping for a Pet JokeA man browsing in a pet shop was approached by an attractive young clerk who asked if she could assist him. "Well," the customer replied, "I'm thinking of getting a pet for a client of mine. He is a semi-invalid; can't get out of the house...
Shoelace Vendor JokeA man had posted himself in front of an office building with a tray of shoelaces. One executive made it a daily habit to give the unfortunate a dime, but he never took the laces...
7th Grade Magazine Sale JokeThe seventh grade class which my brother teaches was holding a magazine-subscription sale...
Spaceman JokeQ. What do you do if you see a spaceman?..
Jack Frost Frosty the Snowman JokeWhat did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?...
Shopoholic Joke"My wife is a shopaholic. The other day she tried to buy the escalator at Sears because it was marked down."...
Streaking JokeYou know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked...
Louvre JokeDid you hear about the guy in Paris who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre? After planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas...
DMV JokeAfter spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son...
Spontaneous Date Night JokeA married couple, Dave and Mary, had not been out on a date in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mary was finishing the dinner dishes, Dave stepped up behind her.
Bomb Squad JokeWhat do you do when you see the bomb squad running?...
Paying Young Musicians JokeUncle Rusty is a wise man. A while back he retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and quiet, puttering around his work shop.
Seattle Rain JokeA man talks to a kid on the street in Seattle, "Hey kid, I'm here visiting from California for a week and it's been raining every single day...
Dear Tech Support JokeLast year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.
Dentist Bill JokeA woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."
Wife's Birthday JokeThe most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Frog JokeWhat is green and goes 100 mph?...
Marriage Counseling Joke"My husband won a trip for two to Hawaii,"
Bumper Sticker Joke"Don't honk....
What's Lost JokeThe best way to find something you have lost is...
Peanut JokeDid you hear about the peanut that was walking down the street?
Death Bed JokeWhile lying on her death bed, a woman told her husband of 60 years that he could open the chest at the foot of the bed, which had been off limits to him all the years of their marriage. The old man looked inside and found 3 ears of corn...
Snowflake JokeWhat is white and goes up?...
Pride JokeSwallow your pride occasionally...
Prayer JokeA neighbor asked a small boy if his family said prayers before meals...
Another Deathbed Joke A man was on his deathbed and the most wonderful smell of his favorite kind of cookie came wafting up the stairs. Ever so weakly, he crawled off the bed and somehow made it downstairs...
Asking Parents for Money JokeA young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, "I need to borrow two hundred dollars."
