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Who Should Brew the Coffee JokeA man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

 

Golfer at the Dentist JokeA man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in a big hurry!" I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf." So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it -- I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!

 

Funeral Costs JokeA woman's husband dies. He had $30,000 to his name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left.

 

Damp Towel JokeOne day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a damp towel. Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.

 

Choosing a Profession JokeI remember the story about the old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession.

 

Policeman JokeA salesman decided to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new job.

 

Golden Anniversary JokeAn aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

 

Egg Business JokeRoy the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young (hens) layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

 

Yelling Across the River JokeOle lived across the river from Clarence--and they didn't like each other at all. They were yelling all the time across the river at each other.

 

Young Driver JokeA young driver said to her father, "Dad, you'll have to see what's wrong with the passenger door on the car."

 

Lengthy Sermon JokeA pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.

 

Mailing a Bible JokeThe lady went to the Post Office to mail an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

 

What A Child Hears JokeHow many times has this happened to one of us? A visiting minister spoke eloquently during the offertory prayer. "Dear Lord" he began ...

 

Stewardess JokeAn airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.

 

Congregation Plate JokeOne Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate.

 

Mixed Feelings JokeQ: What's a mixed feeling?

 

Really Strange JokeIf you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse?

 

Washing Dishes JokeJohn went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Virginia.

 

Baseball in Heaven JokeTwo ninety year old men, Moe and Sam, have been friends all their lives.

 

Raising Money for the Church JokeA minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

 

Courting a Collie JokeA chihuahua, a doberman and a bulldog were approached by a good-looking female collie. Each of them wanting a date with her.

 

Pancake JokeWhat did one pancake say to the other pancake?

 

Prize Bull JokeFarmer Fred had a problem arise when, upon preparing his prize bull for market, the barn door slammed shut cutting the tail off the bull. His prize bull was to be sold that very day, yet now Farmer Fred couldn't...

 

Dinosaur JokeWhat does Barney get when he scrapes his knee?

 

Marriage Seminar JokeWhile attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

 

A Gift For Mother JokeFour brothers were successful doctors and lawyers. They decided to give their elderly mother a gift.

 

Parking JokeSam went to court and received a fine for parking his car in a "No Parking" zone.

 

Gorilla JokeA clean joke, one of my favorites... Why does a gorilla have such big nostrils?

 

Can't Sleep JokeBob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra strong, sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.

 

How To Clean The House Using Your ComputerOpen a new file in your PC. Name it "Housework." Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

 

Talking After Dinner JokeAn elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating; the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

 

Cowboy Oatmeal JokeA tough old cowboy counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.

 

Vacuum Cleaner Salesman JokeA little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

 

Leaving the Hospital JokeHospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman - already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet - who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

 

Orientation in Heaven JokeThree buddies die in a car crash and they find themselves at an orientation in Heaven. Each man is asked, "When you're lying in your casket & friends and family are mourning, what would you most like to hear them say about you?"

 

Why Are Wedding Dresses White? JokeA fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

 

Mr. & Mrs. Bubble JokeWhy did Mr. Bubble follow Mrs. Bubble around the house?

 

Wife vs. Season TicketsSara was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly she burst out laughing.

 

Cow Knock Knock JokeKnock knock. Who's there?

 

Joke: Why did the rooster cross the road?Why did the rooster cross the road?

 

Pizza JokeHow do you fix a broken pizza?

 

Corny Horse JokeA horse walks into a bar...

 

Dangers of Drinking Milk JokeDid you hear about the guy who was killed drinking milk?

 

Mushroom JokeWhat did one mushroom say to the other mushroom?

 

Giraffe and Leopard Paying PokerWhat did the giraffe say to the leopard at the blackjack table?

 

Elderly Woman and a BurglarAn elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)

 

Devout CowboyThe devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

 

Buying Gas JokeConversation overheard at a gas station....

 

Wake Me Up at 5 AMMike & Joan were having some problems at home & were giving each other the 'silent treatment'. But then Mike realized that he would need his wife to wake him up at 5 a.m. for an early morning drive with some pals to play golf.

 

Tomatoes On a Farm JokeA small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in a farmer's garden.

 

Car JokeQ: What songs can you sing in your automobile?

 

Rabbit JokeQ: How do you catch a Unique Rabbit?

 

Duck TaleA woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."

 

Chell's JokesWhy can't you tell a joke to the ice? It will crack up.

 

Ham Sandwich Riddle & JokeQ: Which is better, perfect contentment or a ham sandwich? A: A ham sandwich. Because nothing is better than perfect contentment but... a ham sandwich is better than nothing! By Anna

 

Parenting Joke - Very Good Advice!The best way to keep kids at home is to provide a pleasant home atmosphere.

 

Joke - Unthrifty Dress TemptationStruggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought...

 

Time Flies JokeWe all know that "Time flies when your having fun!" but frogs know that "Time's are fun when you're having flies!"

 

Dog JokeThis is a very corny joke, but every time I hear it I laugh. There was a master and his dog sitting around a campfire on the tippity top of a mountain. The dogs tail caught fire. What did the master say? Answer: Hotdog By Joesgirl

 

Duck JokeWhat did the duck say to the bartender after ordering his drink? Answer: Put it on my Bill!