social

Getting Out of an Abusive Relationship?

August 7, 2013

A woman holding up her hand to stop someone.I am 23 years old and I have a 2 month old baby. I have been with my bf who is the father of my son for 7 years and I can't take living with him any longer. Throughout the whole relationship it's been verbal abuse and physical fights. We both have suffered bruises. And every time I decide to leave he stands in the way and won't let me. Eventually I calm down and have to pretend everything is OK because I am on my own and my parents are far from me and I have no place else to go.

Advertisement

I got tired of being slapped around so I started standing up for myself, but that only makes matters worse. I feel like I am with him only because its been 7 years and I've gotten used to not having friends and not being close to my family. My son was born in 2013 and everything went wrong. He bought everything I needed for the baby, but it's like "here I gave you what you need so deal with it on your own". He only watches the baby when he needs something. He wants me to cook everyday at twelve for lunch and for dinner. Everything he asks for I have to give it to him in hand. He is dirty and doesn't shower for the whole week. He doesn't help me much either.

I have gotten to the point were I just hate this man. I don't even look for him and I don't talk to him. He just works, comes home, and smokes pot. He is very very addicted to pot. He doesn't like to go out to do anything. I can't go out with him because small things make him very upset. He's very rude and obnoxious and I just want a happy positive life for me and my baby even if that means letting go of what is holding me back which is him.

Advertisement

But it's just me, my 2 month old baby, and my dog and we have no place to go. I haven't started working and I don't have a nanny and my baby is just too small still, he needs me more than ever. What can I do to get away from this relationship that's tearing me apart? Would I qualify for housing if I left?

By Bianca from Scranton, PA

Answers


Gold Post Medal for All Time! 969 Posts
August 8, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

There are at least one or more shelters in your town or close by where you and the baby and even the dog can go. You can find numbers all over the place, or go to www.thehotline.org/
So go. Be strong and keep in mind that

A: He is endangering your health and esp' the health of your son by smoking pot, which is illegal. Call the cops some day when he is at work and you are not there anymore.

Advertisement

B: There will come a time when he begins to hurt the baby. You know it, so just go. When he is working, make arrangements with the safe houses and just leave.

By staying you are saying it's ok for him to hurt you. If you let him hurt your son, sorry to say you are just as bad as him.
Get out while you are still young and have some chance at a normal life.

 
August 9, 20131 found this helpful
Best Answer

Contact your family, tell them the truth of what is going on and ask for their help. The further away you get the better. Don't ever return once leaving. You and your baby and the dog for that matter are in danger.

Advertisement

A person like this doesn't change without help. You will be doing all of you a favor by changing this situation.

 
August 9, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

Go to a shelter. You have so many issues right now, that none of them can be dealt with alone. A supportive shelter. This will also give your man the opportunity to work on his issues, as well. A shelter will funnel different help organizations to you and your child. Just think "happy" for one and all. Be happy. Meanwhile, try not to bear a grudge against this hated person. Because you are separated from your family, it is difficult for all concerned. Give a little kiss to your little one from me.

 
Answer this Question

January 26, 2014

I'm disabled and have a 7 yr old daughter who doesn't belong to him. I can't afford to move. When we married 4yrs ago we moved into his house. He's very verbally abusive; everything is my fault. We live around his family. I'm not allowed any friends, he cheats on me, and mistreats us. I have nowhere to go. The police just say if I don't like it leave.

He's turned the power off on us in the middle of winter and turned water off. He's lost his job and won't look for one. I've tried to leave and stay with friends, but he calls DEFAX and the police. This causes so many problems that no one wants us to stay with them cause of the drama. What can I do? He takes stuff out of the house all the time. The police just say if they have to keep coming up here they'lll take me to jail and my baby to DEFAX. Please tell me how to escape this hell.

Advertisement

By Severa

Answers

January 26, 20140 found this helpful

Verbal abuse can quickly turn into physical abuse. Please seek help from your friends and develop a safety/escape plan. Remember that there is no shame in initiating a divorce because of your situation. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Everything you say will be confidential. I don't know if you can see their icon on this page, so the numbers are 1-800-799-7233 and 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). There are no fees for either number. They will provide professional help and emotional support. Website: www.thehotline.org/ You will get a pop up stating that your use of this website can be monitored by someone who shares your computer. I suggest using a computer at your local library or college campus.

 
Answer this Question

July 22, 2013

I have been in a relationship for 11 years. It just ended. He was not always very nice to me. He slapped me and tried to choke me once and he went to jail. When he came back he didn't touch me with his hands again. He was very verbally abusive. Telling me I was lazy. I'm a very horrible person. Then why did he love me? He said he did.

He couldn't keep a job because of drinking. I supported him most of the time. He finally got sober, got a great job, and was nice to me again. Recently he started drinking again. The verbal abuse back big time. He was awful. I told him he doesn't get to treat me that way. He has money now so he up and left. My question is what is wrong with me that makes me miss him and think I still love him? I am not a bad person.

Advertisement

By Jill

Answers

July 24, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

Relationships can be physically addicting, the feelings, the habits, the responses. This can result in withdrawal at the end of the relationship. I would go get some antidepressants, lexapro is great, and also some counseling. It will help you be more the you that you want to be. I will pray for your situation. Recovery and 12 step programs always start with the idea that you cannot do things alone.

Don't think about what you do wrong, in your own opinion, think about what you want your life to look like. A person does not have to have another person in their life to be fulfilled.

Also you are a strong person to have gotten thru this at all. Blessings

 
July 24, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

Sarcastic, unsupportive & harmful disrespectful words have hurt you. You deserve a much better relationship. Make a personal vow to yourself that you will make a better different life for yourself. You need the love & grace of Jesus to help with your negative effects from this ending relationship. You are fragile and breakable. It's good that he has left. You need to deal with your own hopeful future. God hears, God understands and is not stingy with hope. God's love can provides a safe place for your pain. Don't let another person steal your joy and hope. God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds (Psalm 147:3). Do not cling to a hope of a bad relationship that will get you knocked down. You are of far greater importance that deserves a kinder future. Jesus is your answer. Seek Him now.

 
Answer this Question

May 27, 2013

I'm 47 and on my 2nd marriage to a younger man. He is verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive. He criticizes me and blames me for everything. He is a control freak who yells, screams, and swears at me. He throws things like a child and has tantrums. He has to be in control and like to have his own way. I'm always in tears. He checks up on me. We never have sex. He treats me badly. He is threatening and intimidating and it's like walking on eggshells. He has mood swings.

I have 3 daughters from a previous relationship. He hates my kids and my cats. I have no job or money and no one to stay with. I am so low I just want to end it all now so the pain will stop. I live in fear.

I have nowhere to go. No one is going to give me a house as I have no money. I can't drive. I've been with him almost 6 years. I dread the key in the door. He has a job, but is in a lot of debt; he keeps spending all the time. He ripped out the phone line too.
I want a divorce, but cannot see any escape.
Please help me.

By spellbound

Answers

May 28, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

For one thing find a way to get to a battered women's shelter. You more than likely would have to leave the cats behind, but that is small stuff, compared to your life and kids lives. You must have some way to get out. You don't have to worry about a divorce at this time, the main thing is to get out.

Most of the shelters that I have heard of do help with job training, etc. You wouldn't even have to take many clothes with, the shelters usually have boxes of clothes that have been donated, and from what I have heard they are decent clothes.

If you are given money for groceries, squirrel some of that away and keep it in a place where he can't find it. You must have somebody that can help you get away. That being said when you do become free, don't jump into another relationship - be extremely picky about men. It kind of sounds like you aren't picky.

 
May 29, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

Go to your closest Women's Abuse center; even if you have to take a bus, or call a taxi! Don't tell anyone you are leaving - not even your daughters, unless they live with you. If so, take the girls with you and get out of there ASAP! Here is a number to call, if you can get to a phone: 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) It is a national organization to help you find a safe place to go.

 
Answer this Question

December 14, 2018

I have two cats that have held me together through a lot of mental abuse and more. I want to leave the situation, but I can not leave my two boys behind. He has thrown them outside before when I tried to leave. Resources for Leaving an Abusive Relationship

 

He also makes sure he keeps me without money or a car. I have had 5 TIAs back to back in one night and several other health issues. I believe if I don't find a way to get away from the man I've been with for 8 years I will end up in my grave sooner then I would like.

I'm not allowed to have friends or FB. Everywhere I call for help they tell me they're full and don't accept my two cats. They have been very loyal to me and mentally help me cope. I can not leave them with anyone else; they stopped eating last time I tried to leave and month later I went back for their safety and health. I'm at a loss of what to do at the age of 47 and feel like I have no options anymore. Is there anybody that has good resources?

Desperately.

Read More Answers

May 22, 2015

Since I was on here last I told my husband I wanted him to leave. He laughed at me and said he is on the lease so he doesn't have to. Since then I have been avoiding him as much as possible and only talk to him when it regards the kids. He keeps saying do you even want to be with me and stuff like that.

When I say no he automatically says I'm cheating on him which I'm not. How can I make him see that I want a divorce? 3 of my kids have asked me if I can make him leave.

Read More Answers

September 2, 2013

I am a mother of 4 children. I am married to a verbally and sometimes physically abusive man. He is not the kids biological father. I know if I leave it will be with only my children, very little money I can stash away without him knowing, and maybe a couple of suitcases of clothes. I do not have friends because I'm not allowed to. And the only family I have are 1400 miles away and on meth.

I have not worked, but a couple of months between this and my last marriage to the kids' dad (which ended after he hospitalized me after coming home under the influence of drugs and whiskey). I don't have a high school diploma or really anything to give me hope that I can do what I know I need to do, not just for me, but mainly my children. Is there any hope at all that I can make a life for myself and the kids. I have lost my license, Social Security card, and have only a copy of my birth certificate. I did find a photo copy of my ID, but it doesn't ever help me when I need to prove my identity. I do know I cannot keep putting the kids and myself through this just because he provides food, clothing, and a roof over us. I think all of us feel we would be in a better place hungry, naked, and on the street! Does anyone know where I could start getting away from what feels like Hell?

By scaredmom from WV

Answer this Question

July 31, 2013

I have been married 11 years (together 15) and have two boys, 17 and 7. My husband is mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive to me and my boys. He has always been this way, but lately he is out of control. He manages and controls everything from the money to video games.

Today was the last straw as be kicked my son out of the house for playing a video game. My boy, tired of his abuse, told him off and rightly so, but my husband threatened to beat him up and he said if he did not leave there would be a tragedy. He said this as he opened his gun cabinet.

My son left and he is staying with his friend and his parents up the street. They are such good and kind people and, at least, he is safe. My son is a wonderful child, honor student, talented musician and singer and no drugs or smoking or problems. He rarely leaves the house unless it's school or the occasional friends get together.

I want to stay here because my son wants to finish high school at his school and I need to be near him. I think after he graduates we can just live together when he goes to college.

My family lives far away and they know nothing of this as I am so ashamed. I do not drive and don't have a penny on me because my husband does not allow it. He says it's because I spend it that he refuses to give me money. I live in the mountains so around here I cannot get around too much as there are no buses or taxicabs. I am very limited and I feel stuck. My self esteem is trash, I am ashamed, scared and I feel paralyzed.

I don't really know anyone around here; at least not to confide in them and ask them for help. I don't know what to do, but I know I want out of this hell hole. If anyone has a suggestion or a connection or anything that can help or guide me, please help me. I live in Netcong, New Jersey. Thank you all so much and God bless you!

By MonaB

Answers

August 1, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

From what you describe, your best bet would be to ask your family to come and get you and the boys, while your husband is at work. At this time, your main consideration has to be to get the boys and yourself to safety. Your oldest son will probably thrive more, in a location where he doesn't have to worry about his Dad flying off the handle. Also on your way out of town make sure you get some kind of restraining order against your husband, providing you are serious about leaving.

 
August 2, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

If you ask your family to come and get you. I would ask them to take you to somebody they know can keep you safe and someone your bully doesn't know. Your family's place is the very first place he will look for you. Don't be there. In the meantime, when you use the internet, delete all history. Do not keep telephone numbers of people that are helping you in any book or piece of paper he can find. Memorize those numbers if you can. He cannot find them if they're stored in your memory and not wrote down. If you or your sons will carry any money, do not use debit or credit cards, use only cash. Do your very best not to leave a paper trail for him.

 
Answer this Question
<< First< PreviousNext >
In This Page
Categories
Better Living Self Help Domestic ViolenceDecember 20, 2016
Pages
More
🌻
Gardening
🐰
Easter Ideas!
👒
Mother's Day Ideas!
Facebook
Pinterest
YouTube
Instagram
Categories
Better LivingBudget & FinanceBusiness and LegalComputersConsumer AdviceCoronavirusCraftsEducationEntertainmentFood and RecipesHealth & BeautyHolidays and PartiesHome and GardenMake Your OwnOrganizingParentingPetsPhotosTravel and RecreationWeddings
Published by ThriftyFun.
Desktop Page | View Mobile
Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Contact Us
Generated 2024-03-28 02:06:55 in 10 secs. ⛅️️
© 1997-2024 by Cumuli, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
https://www.thriftyfun.com/Getting-Out-of-an-Abusive-Relationship-1.html