Valery, I have fm also and my mom sounds like a twin to yours! Mom was in a home for three years and now lives with my dh and I for five or better years! I will put in my two cwnts worth here, I know for a fact and from experience of her being in several nursing homes that i take better care of her even without doc's or difficulties with food and hygene! They allowed her to fall and break her hip, didn't make her stay clean or mind her nutrition. If she fought them they just let her slide. At least here with me I can try to make things I know are her favorite and she eats a little which is better than she did in any home. Mom is 87 and has given up, I know she doesn't have much time left so sure I will spoil the heck out of her. I can at least make the little time she has left as happy as possible. Tough love is fine for children who have their whole life ahead but for some elders on their way out soon I don't think it's approperiate. I want her last little time on this earth spent with those who love her and as happy as she can be.